After the Ruins

“The ruins of our own cherished plans are often the beginning of the good God has for us.” – Mark Dever

In the book The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson, a man named Ordinary leaves the land of Familiar to find his Big Dream…given to him by the Dream Giver. In Nobody’s journey to the Unknown he goes through many obstacles that try to keep him from finding his Big Dream. He also makes new friends, like Faith (my favorite character) who helps him get through a dark time in the Wasteland. When Nobody finally makes it to his Big Dream, the Dream Giver says one thing – “Give me your dream.” Ordinary is crushed over choosing between his dream and obedience to the Dream Giver. After much struggle, Ordinary surrenders his Big Dream. He continues on his journey disappointed, but with a great sense of peace. Then the Dream Giver returns his surrendered dream. Ordinary is delighted to find that now his dream has grown, it is no longer about him, but about the Dream Givers big plan for the whole world.
When my plans to be a part of Café 1040 failed to succeed I was disappointed but I had a bit of hope that God would soon show me the next step. I should know by now that what is ‘soon’ to me is not always the same to God. Even though I had begun to feel like I had no place in the ministry, I miss it. I left church tonight wishing that I was coming home to work on mobilizing students for missions. I know that ministry is not limited to church and para-church organizations. I could write as many ‘ministry’ updates from my job at the skating rink as I could this time last year from a closed, Muslim country. The world is our mission field. As strangers on this planet, our very lives are ‘mission trips’. There is a need for evangelism and discipleship on every corner of this earth. I just wish that I new where I fit in. Where I would be most effective in my witness. I know people who seem to know exactly where they belong, what their passionate about, what they want to accomplish. They know what they are called to do and they do it. They make it look so easy. My heart beats for so many different things…unreached people, muslim women, college women, children, the poor. I just look at the people in the world who need God but don’t know it, who desperately need salvation and sanctification…I want to help them see that need. But I look at statistics like the two billion people who have never heard the gospel…two billion people…what difference can I make? It is so overwhelming.
So, once again I find myself in a time of waiting. However, this time it is different. My attitude is different. Instead of sitting down and waiting, I (like Ordinary) am walking forward and trusting. Believing. I cannot say that I have peace at every moment, or that I have not shed any tears (there have been countless over the past two months), but I can say that God works all things for our good, that He is trustworthy, and He is faithful to His promise to never leave me.