Wednesday, September 20, 2006

After the Ruins

“The ruins of our own cherished plans are often the beginning of the good God has for us.” – Mark Dever

In the book The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson, a man named Ordinary leaves the land of Familiar to find his Big Dream…given to him by the Dream Giver. In Nobody’s journey to the Unknown he goes through many obstacles that try to keep him from finding his Big Dream. He also makes new friends, like Faith (my favorite character) who helps him get through a dark time in the Wasteland. When Nobody finally makes it to his Big Dream, the Dream Giver says one thing – “Give me your dream.” Ordinary is crushed over choosing between his dream and obedience to the Dream Giver. After much struggle, Ordinary surrenders his Big Dream. He continues on his journey disappointed, but with a great sense of peace. Then the Dream Giver returns his surrendered dream. Ordinary is delighted to find that now his dream has grown, it is no longer about him, but about the Dream Givers big plan for the whole world.
When my plans to be a part of Café 1040 failed to succeed I was disappointed but I had a bit of hope that God would soon show me the next step. I should know by now that what is ‘soon’ to me is not always the same to God. Even though I had begun to feel like I had no place in the ministry, I miss it. I left church tonight wishing that I was coming home to work on mobilizing students for missions. I know that ministry is not limited to church and para-church organizations. I could write as many ‘ministry’ updates from my job at the skating rink as I could this time last year from a closed, Muslim country. The world is our mission field. As strangers on this planet, our very lives are ‘mission trips’. There is a need for evangelism and discipleship on every corner of this earth. I just wish that I new where I fit in. Where I would be most effective in my witness. I know people who seem to know exactly where they belong, what their passionate about, what they want to accomplish. They know what they are called to do and they do it. They make it look so easy. My heart beats for so many different things…unreached people, muslim women, college women, children, the poor. I just look at the people in the world who need God but don’t know it, who desperately need salvation and sanctification…I want to help them see that need. But I look at statistics like the two billion people who have never heard the gospel…two billion people…what difference can I make? It is so overwhelming.
So, once again I find myself in a time of waiting. However, this time it is different. My attitude is different. Instead of sitting down and waiting, I (like Ordinary) am walking forward and trusting. Believing. I cannot say that I have peace at every moment, or that I have not shed any tears (there have been countless over the past two months), but I can say that God works all things for our good, that He is trustworthy, and He is faithful to His promise to never leave me.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kellye,

Thanks for posting this. I wish that your "soon" looked different, too. But there are two things that we cannot question here: 1)God blesses and uses obedience and 2)God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose.

Love and prayers- M

Kellye said...

M...my dear friend,

You always encourage me. Thank you and I miss you!!

MelanieStarr said...

Kellye,
I want you to know that YOU always encourage and challenge me by the way you walk forward, trusting - even when you aren't sure where God is taking you...
You need to update your blog, so eveyone knows how God provided for you in the last week!!!
Mel:)

j razz said...

Are you still alive? The CP center have you working triple shifts? Don't make me boycot this blog!

Hope all is well with you Kellye.

j razz

Anonymous said...

Hey Kellye -
I tried to send an e-mail to your hotmail but it got kicked back. I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and would love to know how the Lord is leading you these days. Being a moving ship is always exciting, even when it's stormy going or feeling pretty rocky out there.
Love from NA,
Kate

P. Beard said...

Wait a second... Do I understand correctly that you are working at the CP center? And you don't know that God is loving others through you?!?

I completely understand the ungodly need to do something BIG for God, but I also know that the lust for missions almost killed my wife.

To obey is better than sacrifice.

I have a serious problem with all the hype about missions, as though it was all some kind of Super Hero Christianity. We send zealous young Christians on exotic trips and I am convienced that it often harms (the young believer) more than it helps.

The fact of the matter is that I am involved in missions vocationally. Most days it is very mundane. Occasionally I have some awesome opportunities, but it is rare. Most of the time I am tired and I don't see much fruit.

I expect that your job at the CP Center is very much the same way.

As the father of a daughter with CP let me encourage you to continue in your good work and do not grow weary in well doing. God will not forget it.