Whew!

My application process is still moving forward. All my materials have been submitted and my file is being reviewed. The door is still open for me to attend the October screening conference, if invited. What now? I wait. Wait until the end of August to find out if that invitation will come in the mail! Another month of waiting...yahoo.

Waiting

Waiting. With as much experience as I have you would think I would be an expert. I have prayed for years for different things - desires of my heart, salvation of lost friends - many prayers, many years, nothing. Yep an ol' pro. However tonight (or is it morning yet?) I am waiting again and I am sorry to say that I am not doing it with much expertise. My wondering thoughts and restless body prove that I am no better at this than I was before. All of my application materials are due to the mission agency by Friday. My part is almost done, just a quick email and a fax and I will have it all submitted. But one form, one questionnaire is in someone else's hands. The problem? They told me today that it usually takes several days to process. The possiblility of getting it done by Friday is slim, but fortunately, they will try. What will happen if they don't get it in by Friday? I will have to wait. Wait for the next screening conference, the next chance to have my application reveiwed. So here I sit, as if staying awake all night thinking about it will make it happen any faster. As a receiptionist, I watch people all day who are waiting. Waiting on a therapist, a tour of the facilities, a meeting with a manager. They sit on the end of their chair tapping their feet nervously on the floor, glancing down at their watch and then down the hallway and then back at their watch again. Many times they will look at me after looking at their watch with an expression that says, "Are you going to do something to speed things up?" How I wish I could. I sometimes wonder why they don't use those few minutes to do something productive, like read a book, make a phone call, write a note to a friend. Anything besides waiting for time to pass. Right now, I must preach those words to myself. I know that waiting does not mean wasted time to God. I know that in these frustrating times He is sanctifying me, molding me, and teaching me to trust Him. And since these are the very things of which daily I ask Him to do in me, why I am frustrated, should I not be grateful? I know that this moment is not by chance, in God's sovereign wisdom, He decided to use this waiting to remind me that His will for me is not as much about my job or ministry, as it is about my sanctification and the posture of my heart. If this is a way that He will make me a more accurate reflection of Him, I will gladly wait.

Michele's Story

Author Carolyn McCulley (Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye) asked Michele to write about her personal experience with an eating disorder. You can read Michele's story here on Carolyn's blog.

The Prayers of the Puritans

It is a blessing to have good friends. As I prayerfully take the necessary steps towards missionary service overseas (more to come on this), my friend Michele encouraged me with these words from the Puritans:

"Service and Equipment," from Valley of Vision

Thou, God of my end, Thou hast given me a fixed disposition to go forth and spend my life for thee; if it be thy will let me proceed in it; if not, then revoke my intentions. All I want in life is such circumstances as may best enable me to serve thee in the world; to this end I leave all my concerns in thy hand, but let me not be discouraged, for this hinders my spiritual fervency.

Enable me to undertake some task for thee, for this refreshes and animates my soul, so that I could endure all hardships and labors and willingly suffer for thy name. But, O what a death is it to strive and labor, to be always in a hurry and yet do nothing! Alas, time flies and I am but of little use. O that I could be a flame of fire in thy service, always burning out in one continual blaze.

Fit me for singular usefulness in this world. Fit me to exult in distresses of every kind if they but promote the advancement of thy kingdom. Fit me to quit all hopes of the world’s friendship, and give me a deeper sense of my sinfulness. Fit me to accept as just desert from thee any trial that may befall me. Fit me to be totally resigned to the denial of pleasures I desire and to be content to spend my time with thee. Fit me to pray with a sense of the joy of divine communion, to find all times happy seasons to my soul, to see my own nothingness and wonder that I am allowed to serve thee. Fit me to enter the blessed world where no unclean thing is and to know thee with me always.