Waiting

Waiting. With as much experience as I have you would think I would be an expert. I have prayed for years for different things - desires of my heart, salvation of lost friends - many prayers, many years, nothing. Yep an ol' pro. However tonight (or is it morning yet?) I am waiting again and I am sorry to say that I am not doing it with much expertise. My wondering thoughts and restless body prove that I am no better at this than I was before. All of my application materials are due to the mission agency by Friday. My part is almost done, just a quick email and a fax and I will have it all submitted. But one form, one questionnaire is in someone else's hands. The problem? They told me today that it usually takes several days to process. The possiblility of getting it done by Friday is slim, but fortunately, they will try. What will happen if they don't get it in by Friday? I will have to wait. Wait for the next screening conference, the next chance to have my application reveiwed. So here I sit, as if staying awake all night thinking about it will make it happen any faster. As a receiptionist, I watch people all day who are waiting. Waiting on a therapist, a tour of the facilities, a meeting with a manager. They sit on the end of their chair tapping their feet nervously on the floor, glancing down at their watch and then down the hallway and then back at their watch again. Many times they will look at me after looking at their watch with an expression that says, "Are you going to do something to speed things up?" How I wish I could. I sometimes wonder why they don't use those few minutes to do something productive, like read a book, make a phone call, write a note to a friend. Anything besides waiting for time to pass. Right now, I must preach those words to myself. I know that waiting does not mean wasted time to God. I know that in these frustrating times He is sanctifying me, molding me, and teaching me to trust Him. And since these are the very things of which daily I ask Him to do in me, why I am frustrated, should I not be grateful? I know that this moment is not by chance, in God's sovereign wisdom, He decided to use this waiting to remind me that His will for me is not as much about my job or ministry, as it is about my sanctification and the posture of my heart. If this is a way that He will make me a more accurate reflection of Him, I will gladly wait.